I saw Writer Guy last night. But it’s not what you think.
He needed a ride to the emergency room. He called me. I briefly considered not taking him but decided that if he was in a bad enough way to call me of all people it would be unconscionable to abandon him.
I drove him, I dropped him off, I asked if he wanted me to come in, he said no, I went home. That’s the whole story.
(Except this: I was in my PJs when he called, with greasy hair and a giant zit on my jawline. Did I leap up and go to his aid immediately? I did not. After ascertaining that his dilemma was painful but not time-sensitive, I washed and dried my hair, I put on concealer, and I rejected one outfit before settling on another. This took less than 15 minutes, ’cause I’m quick like that, but I cannot avoid this truth: A guy who has shown himself to be not worth my time called me for help and I took the time to fix myself up before I gave it to him. I’m pretty sure this makes me both a) massively pathetic and b) a terrible person.)
(Oh, and: Three and a half hours later he called again. He hadn’t even made it in to see a doctor yet, it was almost midnight, he wasn’t sure when he would get out of there, the buses were going to shut down for the night, any chance I’d be up late and could give him a ride home? I said no, and I texted him some bus routes that ran all night, and I’ve felt horribly, horribly guilty ever since. I know I don’t owe him anything, not him in particular, but in general I do think that we should take care of each other, and GOD if I was at the ER in the middle of the night I would be so, so grateful for help. So, yeah, I’m pretty sure I was wrong and ugh.)
Fat Girl on a Date 
How awful you are for not going to pick him up in the wee hours of the morning depends on how early you have to get up for work the next day. If I worked a second shift job and didn’t have to be up until around noon or so, it wouldn’t be a problem. However, if I worked first shift and had to be up at the crack of dawn, well, sorry, I need my rest to be able to do a good job at work, and my job comes before a former b/f’s ride home. YMMV
If the man wasn’t bleeding all over your car, and screaming hysterically, AND asking your eternal forgiveness, you don’t owe him jack shyte.
Seriously though, you shouldn’t feel guilty, pathetic or terrible. I would have done the same thing. Call me cruel! He seems like someone who preys on people’s kindness and goodness.
I totally agree with mizbig, sweetie. The woman is wise. And vesta too, of course!!
Great blog! Can’t believe he was bleeding all over your car and had the nerve to call you later!
Oh god, he wasn’t bleeding. If he’d been bleeding I wouldn’t have taken my sweet time getting over there to pick him up. Just a toothache that, because he doesn’t have insurance, he let go for two months until it became something more than just a toothache.
Ugh, a toothache that bad? Makes my mouth hurt.
But knowing what it was makes me SURE you did the right thing. Even before that, I would’ve said “Dang, girl, no worries.” But now that I know, I think you did the right thing. I might not have washed my hair and gone through the effort to look nice (just because if he’s asking me a favor, he deserves to see me look like crap since I don’t owe him any more effort than whatever he’s asking), but I probably would’ve told him there was no way I would bring him home. You would’ve been up all night worrying and waiting, and that would harm me more than help him.
So you did right. Don’t worry. And stop feeling guilty. He’s a big boy. He can take care of himself!
I think getting dolled up was quite acceptable! Who knows…You could have happened upon a fireman, a doctor, or better yet…a stripper! Better safe than sorry!
EXACTLY palegrayforguilt, EXACTLY!!
Wow, I was just thinking about this the other day. I think it fits perfectly on this blog because it is a peril of being single and living alone. I recently took a really good friend to the ER in the middle of the night and stayed with her and it made me wonder who I would call. Honestly I’m not sure. That friend is not a night person and she usually turns her phone off at night and I’m not sure who else would be available. I have lots of friends but most of them are married and have kids so I can’t imagine them getting up to haul me to the ER in the middle of the night. My family is all out of state so I guess if there was any way I could get there under my own power I would but otherwise I’d be relying on an ambulance.
I can see where your guilt is coming from FGOAD. I’d probably feel the same thing. I don’t think it was your responsibility to take him or pick him up, but what a sad commentary on his life that he had no one else to call. I’d call every friend in my phone before I’d call someone I briefly dated!
Wash the hair first? Most definitely. Some of those emergency room docs are quite yummy.
You did more than he deserved. Doesn’t he have any other friends? And you gave him the numbers of the all night bus lines. I guess if you had been really kind you could have given him the number to a taxi service.
This would’ve never happened with William Safire, you know.
If he were bleeding from his head then I might say you were a bad person. But he wasn’t so you’re not. The whole bathing thing is not a sign of evil but of neurosis.
What was wrong with him? Why do you think he called you?
Kimocean: I know what you mean, thinking and worrying about who you would call. I live in my hometown, so I’d just call my family… but if it wasn’t for them? I have friends that I could call, but I’d feel weird about it. But I guess the point is that I would never, in a billion years, have called Writer Guy. That’s what credit cards and taxi fares are for.
Madmonq: I don’t know why he called me, but it makes me sad for him. What’s going on in his life that I’m the best he can do? Where are his friends? I thought he had family in town, but I can’t actually remember.
Just to echo the other comments, I don’t see where you did anything wrong either. And refusing to play early morning chauffeur doesn’t make you a bad person, in fact agonizing and reevaluating your actions seems to spotlight the genuine-ness of your character. Plus the comments about meeting someone en route was genius… never would of thought of that myself!
Sweetie, I understand what you’re feeling because I’ve been there in the same situation. Taking time to gussy up isn’t about him, it’s about having pride in who you are and what you present to the world. Of course it wasn’t time sensitive, he’d of called an ambulance. If you were meeting a girlfriend for coffee you’d shower and change too right? Don’t think of it as dressing up for him, NO. It’s about you, dress up for you.
And I’m guessing there’s a reason he doesn’t have friends who can take him to the hospital. I’m just saying…
Hugs, be fabulous, be you. <3
Sweetie, I understand what you’re feeling because I’ve been there in the same situation. (seriously, and yeah I took him and put on makeup late at night) Taking time to gussy up isn’t about him, it’s about having pride in who you are and what you present to the world. And the possibly of someone better like an ER doc. Of course it wasn’t time sensitive, he’d of called an ambulance. If you were meeting a girlfriend for coffee you’d shower and change too right? Don’t think of it as dressing up for him, NO. It’s about you, dress up for you. And hot guys are always bonus so be ready!!!
And I’m guessing there’s a reason he doesn’t have friends who can take him to the hospital. I’m just saying…
Hugs, be fabulous, be you. <3
wow, sorry to spaz and leave 2 comments, oops :(