bad responses to online dating profile

So, after receiving a pathetic response to my most recent dating profile, I was inspired to dig up some of the other real winners I’ve gotten over the past few months:

Hey Princess:

My life , can’t you understand a relation between two eyes. Though they blink together, see the world together and sleep together, yet they can never see each other. But my dear we are human beings, there is always a positive possiblity to meet. I cherish any thought of you and living for the day when our physical separation will no longer be. I promise you i m quite seriour about the relationship. I am quite sure i can do any thing for it .. no matter about the physical distance.I am waitting for your positive responce.

Not to be outdone, this guy:

goddess:

would you be intersted in taking ownership of a well trained, worshipful, obedient slave to amuse yourself with????

i would love to be yours to do with as you please.

And:

Hi Dear,
What’s up? i think this is the right time to say hi and have friendship.I liked your profile and please dont shun your door without knowing completely who is knockin your door.
Life is afterall exporing new things, ideas, places and interesting people( I dont mean here some blind relationship)

One of my favorites:

you delicious thing, I want to meet you. If I’m not too repugnant. YES I know I’m an inch shorter than you. I WILL STAND ON BOXES. I WILL WALK ON PLATFORM SHOES. I WILL ACT LIKE MICHAEL J FOX.

BEFORE HE GOT PARKINSONS

Seriously?

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17 responses to “bad responses to online dating profile

  1. iiiiich

    When I was on okcupid, some of the messages I got were pretty bad too. Mind you, some of them were the kind to automatically trigger my spidersense — too many of these guys were obviously either Nigerian scams waiting to happen or guys from Africa looking for a green card bride.

    I’m no longer on the dating scene because I am seeing someone, but since that was only last year, it’s still pretty fresh in my memory (and no, it wasn’t easy going back on the scene after a 10-year relationship…).

    Anyways, what got to me more was the “eeyore” type. You know, the kind of guy who moans and whines about how he can’t get a woman, etc. Big. Turnoff.

  2. I’ve been lurking for a bit, but I just had to delurk to comment on the slave thing because it reminds me of this inside joke I had with one of my guy friends when I was in high school.

    Love the blog, got here via Shapely Prose.

  3. “I WILL ACT LIKE MICHAEL J FOX.

    BEFORE HE GOT PARKINSONS”

    LOL

    I must be really out of it not having dated in a couple decades, because for some reason some of these don’t sound bad to me.

  4. Yeah, actually, the Michael J Fox guy was pretty funny. I’d exchanged a few emails with him but it never went anywhere. Then I got that one out of the blue. Then, more months passed with no contact. Then we got in touch again and went out twice and no mojo. But we’re facebook friends!

  5. LMAO.

    I’ve so been there. Here’s a favorite from my past.

    “I know I’m 52, but since you’re a big woman I’m sure you are willing to excuse a few traits. Right?”

    WHAT? You are trying to get me to like you here, right?! Fuck!

  6. Um…I kind of liked the Michael J Fox one :) LOL

  7. Whoa, Christie! You’d think he’d at least try to hide that kind of stuff from you. :)

  8. Christie, your guy reminds me of this personal ad I’ve seen several times on the Philadelphia craigslist:

    “I am seeking an independent women who is employed and a college grad. She must be open minded and not a closed minded person, also not person who has a hight problem either my hight or your own (a lot of people have this problem its discrimination called Hightism, so if you do move on, it’s friggin’ the 21st Century and hight does not matter.)

    You:
    Age: (24-37)
    Height: No Preference
    Hair: Black, Brunette, Auburn, Blonde
    build: Average, Slim, thin, thick, (NOT BIG or BBW) ”

    I guess “hightism” was abolished at the turn of the century, but not sizeism.

    Also: Is there something I’m not getting? What’s the different between thick and big, or thick and BBW? I would have used the two interchangeably.

  9. God, I just can’t stop. This minute, as I was writing that last comment, I got this one:

    “nice tits :P”

    Um, thanks? (The picture he’s referring to is this one: https://fatgirlonadate.wordpress.com/2008/05/30/non-headless-fatty/)…. not exactly boobalicious.

  10. All I can say is…

    …Oy.

  11. Re: Craigslist ad. Uh, don’t you think, if he was going to rant about height, he should learn how to spell it first. Or, sheesh, use spell check.

  12. At least some of them realize you’re a goddess.

    I could use a slave. Wonder if he’s still available.
    Speaking of slaves, why are there so many submissive men on dating sites. I was contacted by one who had a dog fetish. He wanted to be my dog, leash, collar and water bowl included.

  13. Dear God. The male species is very lucky that sexual orientation is genetic. What a bunch of creepers.

  14. Wow – reading all of this makes me so glad I have a good guy at home that loves me and isn’t a weirdo. Good luck to all you single gals out there. I don’t miss “dating” at all!

  15. Which sites have you been using to find your mates? Free ones, paid ones, any specific ones?

  16. I’ve gotten spam that made more sense then these responses. Remember, do not shun the door between your eyes. I think you know what I mean. You’ve gotta be crazy to turn down a poet like that.

  17. These are all from okcupid. Lately, I’ve also used salon.com and datingcurves.com. Before that – I’ve really tried them all!

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