still single. sigh.

Last Friday all my colleagues got together for a nice, nice party. I made desserts. Our deputy director made kebabs. A former employee brought a veggie tray. We’ve been planning it for a long time – saying goodbye to some interns who have been with us for the past year, welcoming the new crop, celebrating our successes. I have great coworkers, and they all have great husbands and wives and boyfriends and girlfriends and a lovely time was had by all.

But, a few weeks ago, I had thought that this might be a good time to debut Writer Guy. I’m not heartbroken about Writer Guy specifically (yeah yeah, I know, he’s a flake at best and a jerk at worst), but I’m pretty damned tired of being single and it was disappointing to be there alone.

The last few weeks, it seems like everyone I’ve met is married, getting married, or otherwise settled down with a beloved partner. Interviewing interns two weeks ago, two mentioned their upcoming weddings. At an event last night, a guy I thought was flirting with me complained about the bad bus service at the house he shares with his fiancee.

In the midst of all these pairings-off, it can get a little lonely.

This project – thrusting myself back into the dating pool, writing about it for all to see – has done me a world of good. Already, I’m coming around to the idea that I might be a desirable, dateable creature. Already, I’m realizing that the problem I’ve had has been of my own making (and not because I’m an inherently unlovable schmuck). In short, I’m already more confident in approaching potential dates (online, at least) and less distraught when someone I’m interested in doesn’t seem interested in me.

All this is good, and I’m grateful for it, but at the end of the day I’m still alone and I’d rather not be. As entertaining as the dating process is (for you and me both, readers), I’d love to skip right over it into partnership. I want someone to call when I’m feeling down (like, uh, now).

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9 responses to “still single. sigh.

  1. Whenever I was single (or living far away from my boyfriend) in the past, it felt like everyone else around me was in a relationship – just to spite me. :mrgreen:

  2. Awww, sweetie! I want to give you a huuuge hug. I know exactly what you mean. I was never *really* a dater…I was like Zen Guy, I’d either be single for a long time and not looking, or I’d find an interest and refuse to see anyone else while I was exploring it (and the funny thing is, guys always seemed more interested when someone else was already interested in me…weird, huh?).

    But think of what a wonderful public service (and personal service) you’re doing with this blog! We love that you’re single, and dating. I think it’s something the FA/FL/FR blogs don’t have much of — talk about dating and being single. Most of us are married or in LTRs (I know, it’s weird).

    In fact, someone needs to write a post about speculation on *why* so many people in the FA/FR/FL’osphere are in LTRs. Do we feel more accepting of our bodies when someone else has accepted them? Are single people more likely to still be ensconced in the Fantasy of Being Thin? Hmmph.

  3. You know, I’d love you for no other reason than the fact that you used the word “schmuk.” I thought the people in my family were the only ones to use that word! :D

  4. You’re a rock star lady. Get used to it!

  5. @bigliberty, it is much easier to be accepting of your body when you have a partner, especially one who constantly tells you how hot you are. it doesn’t help if you are consantly being rejected by the dating game when you will most likely blame it on any number of factors. i always have to tell myself, when things don’t work out with someone, that it doesn’t necesarilly have to be about ME, who knows what is happening in people’s lives that you don’t know about?

  6. If you weren’t writing this blog, what would I do?
    WHAT WOULD I DO?!??!

    We, your readers, adore you!

    I am SO right there with you, girlie. I wish I could wear a shirt sometimes that had the “Chef Lonely Hearts Soup for One” can on it ( you know, the one from that Simpsons episode?).

    This whole dating thing is starting to feel like an endless job interview….Why can’t it REALLY just start raining men? But I guess that wouldn’t be really helpful. What’s the point of some man who totally adores you falling out of the sky only to die when he hits the ground from extreme head injury?

    …I’m just sayin’….

  7. Thanks for all the kind words, everyone. Just feeling a little sorry for myself – but it’s really great to come home from work to all your comments.

  8. I’m totally with you darlin’. Luckily I have two single friends but otherwise it definitely seems to be everyone I know.

    I’m feeling a bit down myself. Thought I had a maybe guy in the works but he’s disapeared after just 2 dates and I found out last week that the guy I have a huge crush on and who is otherwise perfect for me is living with his girlfriend :(

  9. Just found your blog and read this entry and it totally resonated with me. I am fat and single and living in a country where there are no sane single men.

    Was emailing a guy who claimed to love me repeatedly and then when we were supposed to go on a date. I’ve known him for months but this was the first time since he broke up with his girlfriend. It was awful and he is an utter fuckwit.

    I feel your pain. Good luck!

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