I started this blog for entirely selfish reasons: I wanted to force myself back into dating, explore fat acceptance and feminism, and get in some writing practice while I was at it.
But as I’ve been doing it? I’ve found a community that matters to me. I’m grateful for be a part of it, and I’ve been doing some thinking about what it is that I can contribute. Who, besides myself, am I writing this for? (As my writing teachers would say, with more than a little aggravation: Who is your audience? That and My god, woman, have you heard of editing?)
My answer: I’m writing this for women like me (see? still basically selfish), who are or have been afraid to jump into the dating pool… either because we’re fat, or because we’re using our fat as an excuse to avoid something else scary or risky or ugly.* I want to demonstrate that fat women (tee hee! I just typed “fart women” by mistake, but that’s a whole different blog) have sex lives and romantic lives just like everyone else: some of us are in good long-term relationships, some of us are in unhappy long-term relationships, some of us sleeping with men and women we shouldn’t be sleeping with, some of us are not sleeping with the men and women we wished we were sleeping with, some of us have never been on a date, some of us are gleefully playing the field, some of us are too scared to make a move.
As for me, I’ve been all of these things are one point or another. Fifteen years ago, I had never been on a date. Ten years ago, I was in a happy long-term relationship. Five years ago, I was not sleeping with a man I wished I was sleeping with. Right now, I’m somewhere in between “playing the field” and “too scared to make a move”. So I’m going to keep pushing myself and hope that some of the folks who are reading this will do the same. I’d love to hear your stories, too.
Note: I do NOT mean to say that fat is ugly. I’m not even talking about physicality, here, but rather the ugly things about ourselves that we’d rather the rest of the world not see.